The Calcutta Club Aunty

1. Is often overwight in the Bengali way - large prosperous tummy, large boobs, fat soft hands, often jowly.
2. Is mostly dressed in saris accompanied with jewellery that can be classified as

(a) Pearls - Old Fashioned, studied in convent, parents landowners with morris minors in the garages to be flashed out during the Statesman rallies. How such types make a living always remains a mystery.
(b) Gold - oodles of it - Newly rich, and is often accompanied with weird vaudeville makeup and often married to a businessman.
(c) Chunky, funky jewellery - Is better educated, may be working and hence feels morally and intellectually superior. Is supposedly cool and trendy and exhibits supposed coolness by smoking like a chimney and drinking like a fish.

3. Has wonderfully "accomplished" children often settled abroad, who do better than everyone else's.
4. Think it is their duty and privilege to ask nosy questions.
5. Has opinions on everything and voices them loudly.
6. Is always socially conscious of her husband's "status" and "place in life" and never fails to voice it loudly at every given point in time.
7. Is capable of out-staring anyone and everyone.
8. Will talk in a mixture of English and Bengali with the Bengali spoken with an English accent.
9. Knows everyone in town worth knowing.
10. Is as bitchy as a well bitch, but pretends to be holy and saintly.