Things That Make Me Want To Wring Necks
I find marriage a very, very strange relationship because I can't understand why women change so much or bend backwards so much. I have colleagues who tell me, "You can drop at my home anytime now for a month, my in-laws are away and I am free" or "Oh no! I can't go for dinner today, but I'm dying to, but I have to go and play rummy with Mummyji" (ok, I made that up, because what was said, was too embarrassing to put here) or "I am fasting today because my husband likes it" or "On Sundays I cook for my 13 member family, because my mom-in-law expects it of me". I also have friends who adopt weird hobbies that their husbands have like star wars (Ice Bucket! Ice Bucket! Why? Why? Why?), social service, blogging (how many do you know man?) etc. Women annoy me. Women make me want to slap them, hard. Women make my lip curl with disgust. Marriage in my mind, makes women lose their spine. Why do women change so much or bend over backwards so much to please people around them? This when they absolutely don't need to. I don't get it. I don't think any relationship is worth it. I don't understand this thing of being so needy or appreciated.
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posted by Plumpernickel @ 6/14/2007 02:53:00 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
From where I see it, men do some adjusting too.
J.A.P.
Disclaimer: Just my personal viewpoint, so please don't snap...
Most of whatever you have said is correct, vitriolic or otherwise...
But take it in perspective. There are enough women over there for whom marriage has not taken away anything away from their individuality.
The first part of what you have said is rather pathetic, and not too many married women would subscribe to that POV anyway. Yes, I know there has to be a few of the kind over there, but that backbone you are talking about, that was never there with these types anyway.
And as for the second part, c'mon now! You stay with people for a while and you invariably tend to be drawn to their likes and dislikes. Forget marriage, look at this scenario. I stay with two roommates. One of them likes movies of Tarkovsky and the kinds, the other likes to go out for treks. Now, after two years, I have inculcated some of those habits too, and neither were even very close friends to start off with. I read books. Both my roommates have become regular, of not voracious readers. And what are weird hobbies anyway? Weird for one person is the most day-to-day for another, no?
To end, it is about the basis of the relationship. If the basis of the relationship between two people is compromise, then yes, the scenario that you have described is possible. But not every marriage is a marriage of convenience, na?
I don't write comfortable posts to lull you into a feeling of niceness. If you want politically correct, agreeable, nice-nice opinions, then you are probably on the wrong blog.
I'm not saying that happy and companionable marriages do not exist, I'm just saying that the happiness comes as a result of an amazing amount of "changes" by mostly the female of the couple.
Not trying to be anon due to cowardice or anything - just lazy to creata a new account to leave a comment:
You're right in one sense - marriage does involve give-and-take (yes, a cliche - sorry!) but it does go both ways.
I may have made the first comment just because my friends visiting when my inlas are in my house is an excruciating ordeal for both me and my friends. My in-laws have no concept of social niceties and would just piss my buddies off! SO I'd rather they visited when it was just me and my family, to preserve everyone's sanity!
I'm lucky that I don't have to bend over backwards or any which way to live the life I want, mch as my husband lives the life he wants to. We give each other enough room to do our thing, we have a little daughter who takes up a lot of both our times, and who we are deeply commited to, in our own ways. SO it does work sometimes - you just have to strike that right magic balance..
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