Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Clubbed to death...

I am overwhelmed. Life!

Days meld into dusks, dusks meld into nights, nights meld into dawn, dawn melds into day and the cycle continues but I have no recollection of daybreak or dusk. My days are measured with my alarm clock and watches that tell me it is time to get up, exercise, eat breakfast, leave for work, return home to crash on the bed only to be woken up the next day by the alarm clock.

I hope to meet more people or atleast see more people at the club I'm joining from the end of this month. I dislike the club culture intensely and I feel uncomfortable to be with people I don't know and must pretend to be nice to just because we fall in the same income bracket. If clubs did not have swimming pools, I wouldn't have joined, but I so desperately want a summer that includes swimming, I'm willing to join up. I can always ignore people, yes.

On Friday, I have to go for a singles party. I dont want to go. I can't make myself get into the dating game once again. I can see through almost any man and I'm tired of the lies, the deceit, the pettiness that every relationship brings. I'm avoiding entanglements because as pathetic as it sounds, my work does not permit me a life and I don't want another man clamoring for time, attention and sex that I can ill-afford to dole out. I have the television for background noise, and music pushes back loneliness, but the comfort of a hug and warm welcoming arms seems to be beyond my reach, especially since thats all I require and nothing else. I like to travel since that way I am constantly occupied and I'm already looking forward to the next round of conferences and meetings.

This post was not meant to be whiny, but I feel whiny and petulant and nasty and what better place to rant than a blog?


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