Monday, July 06, 2015

How to be a Houseguest from hell

1. Insist on visiting, citing concern, when host has met with an accident.
2. After being categorically told that your visit will be very inconvenient, visit anyway.
3. When your host is being rolled into the Operation theatre, call and demand a car be sent to pick you up from the airport. Then specify, which car and which driver.
4. On reaching, visit the hospital at 10 pm, and demand to see the host, who is lying unconscious after being wheeled out of the OT an hour ago.
5. The next day, land up at the hospital at 7 am, before your host is sponged, ready or has breakfast and his medicines.
6. Sit in your host's cabin for the next 14 hours. When his wife asks you to leave during the afternoon, so he can relax, ignore and say you will paste your butt in the cabin itself.
7. Lie on the couch, while your host's wife who has slept only for 3 hours the night before sits on a chair the entire time.
8. Talk loudly, gossip, be a general annoyance all through the 14 hours. Keep playing candycrush loudly, when other people are trying to sleep.
9. Order host's staff and wife every few hours for tea, coffee. Interfere in meal plans. Give your unsolicited opinions.
10. Leave at night, only when asked by the host and then say, you are being insulted.
11. Insist your host speaks on facetime with your obnoxious and rude daughters, nevermind that your host is UNWELL and has just been operated.
12. Order host's staff around the next day, until you leave finally.

And then, after all this, expect royal, entitled treatment all through, for life.

Dear ladies, please note, if any of your male acquaintance gets married, behaving like this will ensure, you will be banned from the couple's life, forever.


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