Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Take a Message to Mary

My social incompetence is legendary. I don't like people. I don't even like people near me. It makes my skin crawl and I want to slap the sorry slobs really, really hard just for standing close to me. I don't need to be with millions of people at work and for that, I am thankful everyday. I don't think much of most people, because if most people were so wonderful, would the world really be such a sucky place? I don't like socialising, I find it time wasting. The things I find myself saying sometimes in social situations shock even me, and I don't shock easily, because thanks to life, I meet millions of even more socially-stilted people, than myself and I love it. When I am not the one saying stupid things, life can really be good.

For example, there's P, who is guaranteed to make me feel socially superior, thanks to the truly weird stuff he says and also because he is one individual who is guaranteed to piss off 98% the people he meets. Our conversations are surreal. Sample:
Me: Hi P! Nice to see you again. (notice, inappropriate greeting, it should be formal, keeping in mind P's seniority etc. but when I open my mouth, the right things can never come out)
P: (slightly taken aback by my informality and my apparent cheer) Hi! You look good! (umm..... what was that? What am I supposed to say to that?)
Me: (Flustered) Oh No! I've put on a lot of fat! (WTF! What am I saying?! Why am I saying this???)
P: (Equally flustered and taken aback) No! So What? The important thing is to be happy and you are glowing and really look great. (Small lecture on why it is important to be happy)
(OHMYGOD! This conversation I can never live down! People are in splits when I tell them this bit, because P normally is unfriendly, rude and nasty to everyone and P telling me I don't look fat is just too much.)
Me: (wanting to sink in the earth) Ok! Ulp! Well, I wanted to get your opinion on Y and X wanted you to revert to us as well.
P: Sure. (Making a note on his handheld) I will have my guys send you the documents on Thursday. That will give you enough time. Are the notes moving well?
Me: Yes, that should be fine, thanks. Yes, they are, much better than we thought they would. (Oh No! I should never have said that!)
P: (Eyes gleaming) No? Don't worry, I will not quote you on that.
Me: (truly shot to pieces) Ok. See you around. Give T (P's wife) my best.
P: Thank you! You take care and be happy, and.... (P now notices a guy he hates in the far horizon) er....... (starts looking angry) ok (deep, sullen silence)
I run away...... Mortified.


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