Miss Varsha posts a FAQ

Um, sorry FAQ ?

A place to get all your stupid questions answered. After considering various ways of cordially introducing myself to the teeming throngs, I just said "fuck it" and put it all in one place.

So who the hell is Varsha Commotion anyway ?

Your friendly neighbourhood guest Blogger. Except not so much the friendly.

Yeah right. That's not even a real name.

Of course it's not. For various reasons, this is an Anonymous blog where people are welcome to, but not encouraged to use their real names. The correct form of address for Miss Varsha is, of course, Miss Varsha. Not "Varsha" or "Ms. Varsha", but "Miss Varsha". Miss Varsha is not enamoured of those who are overly familiar, or feminists stuck in 1997.

What's up with the pronoun confusion ?

I can only attribute it to Plumpie taking a few drags on her crack pipe. I am neither a man trapped in a woman's body, a woman trapped in a man's body, or god forbid "just bisexual". I am a happily heterosexual 20 something female, and it would be nice if we could all remember that, thanks.

Why the bad attitude ?

Because there are more than enough people full of sunshine, the milk of human kindness and goodwilled moxie to rival the world's population of bland white wonderbread.
I don't have a secret, tender heart of gold and am not going to grow one either, so don't hold your breath.

What's up with all the TLAs ?

It's a habit I picked up in college, and have found hard to break over the years. A TLA, appropriately enough is a Three Letter Acronym, and anything I write non-formally is liberally sprinkled with many such. Commonly seen ones are TOD, OMG and WTF. Although failing the three letter test, OTOH and STFU are also commonly used.

What's up with the bullet points ?

It's a not very clever, yet surprisingly effective way to make my point by repeating information while putting different funny spins on it. It's also how people who actually got functional degrees in college and did not spend their time mooning over English Lit. and Sociology are trained to write.

Who/what is the NASAL HAIR FROM HELL ?

Bob Dylan. Conceivably, pictures taken from slightly under face level and in extreme close up will do no favors to anyone, but ageing men with large nostrils are especially advised to be careful. Said singer spent his entire 10 minute Oscar (TM) performance being pictured in such a way. Needless to say, I do not like his music and hold him in the lowest contempt.

But...but...he's the best there ever was or will be ! You have to see that ?

It's called personal taste. Deal.

But you live in his hometown, not a stone's throw from that one place where he first started out, and in fact have spent many a summer eve in that self same place yourself !

Yes. I know. Thanks for being the 800th person to remind me. I still don't like his fucking music.

But....

No.

So Plumpie trusts you with her Blog. You must know each other really well !

In a matter of speaking. We have actually met just three times. There was that one time where we recognized each other at that railway station from a mutual description, and that one time she woke me up in that one train since she was bored, and that one time we had lunch together where we went somewhere else and stood up those other people we were supposed to have lunch with.
Good times.

Who/what is Consort Commotion ?

Just about what you would think. We are not married, since Miss Varsha does not believe in marriage (or monogamy for that matter, but that's a whole different issue), but have been in a stable relationship which is now approaching the two year mark. Consort Commotion is a delightfully nerdy, yet endearingly cute scientist who's only major flaw is failing to admit that human beings as a rule should have TWO eyebrows. And he has never once attempted to teach me manners, Demian.

So he must have pursued you, and wooed you and Eeeeeeeeeee! It's so romantic !

No. I saw him, wanted him, remembered the fact that is was, indeed 2002, and asked him out.

Who/what is Richeek. M ?

I can't believe this name was actually mentioned by Plumpie. Girl is in so much trouble...

OMG ! Is Richeek M. the same as Consort Commotion ?

I wish.

OMG ! I'm Richeek M. !

Marry me ! Remember that one thing I said about not beleiving in marriage and all that ? Forget it ! And that one guy called Consort Commotion ? Who ?

What's with this obsession with good looking men ? It's all about inner beauty and hearts of gold anyway.

Um, yeah, if you say so. Miss Varsha believes that on the whole, all people suck. At least the good looking ones are easy on the eyes, and look better when you remove all their clothes in an intimate situation, so she prefers to hang out with them.

Hmpf. I don't even like you. I'm never reading this Blog again till Plumpie gets back.

That's your prerogative. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

You're fucking hilarious and I love you. Do you have your own Blog ?

No. I used to, but it didn't really work out. If indeed I undertake to launch one again someday, it shall be suitably advertised.