We are Fami-lie!

Incident 1

After scanning the guest list for the singles' party, I thought of getting matters cleared up before I make another historic blunder.

Me: Does BIL have a half-Austrian cousin in Cal? Just checkin'.
Sis: Not that I know of. He does have a Swiss aunt, who gave indulgent weekend lunches thus putting off BIL and BIL's cuz from Swiss food forever. Does that help?
Me: Heh! Yes, and you don't even know how!

Incident 2

I reach Goethe Institute's language department. Suddenly, I am assailed with a vigorous handshake, Chanel No. 5 (I think), hennaed hair, chiffon sari, ethnic jewellery wearing bundle saying, "HiDarling!whatbringsyouhereagain? niceseeingyou- areyouheretojoinanothercourse? isBdidiinthestates? HowisyoursisandBIL?Dotheycometocalanymore?" Whew! I extract myself and patiently answer BIL's aunt's questions. And then she turns around and proclaims to one and all, "Plumpernickel is my relative peeps!" I can foretell another summer of abject embarassment in my German class.