Monday, October 31, 2005

The Groom's Still Waiting at The Altar

Unsolicited advice comes quick to us Indians. This Diwali, I met the neighbours by getting sweets for them. One of my neighbours,a housewife asked me the basics and then advised me to get married before it is too late. Whoa! So did my school friend's mother. I know it is kindness that makes them say this, but have they no clue how insulting it can be. It is as if they are implying that you have been unlucky and that your life is meaningful without a man. As if you have committed some crime and as if you are blighted until your parting is red, you have a ring on your ring finger and are wearing a fat mangalsutra around your neck like a yoke.

Its not as if I am opposed to marriage, its just that I'm allergic to the concept of an Indian marriage and I do not want an unfair relationship and my relationships are my business and no one else's. Single women in India have no privacy. Everyone wants to know everything about you and just what your misfortune is, that you are still single, how much you earn, do you not want children, are you barren, do you have some wasting disease, are you grossly overweight? I already tell people that I am single because I find Indian men not nice enough and very judgemental and boring, now I should just scream it from the rooftops. It seems everytime I am social, I have my face slapped hard with unnecessary questions and advice. And then people wonder why I am so asocial!

6 Comments:

At 12:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi,
I just came across your blog and its refreshing to hear that there are single, independant women who are leading busy, fulfilled lives in India.I can totally get where you're coming.. I'm only eighteen but I've got a 24-year old cousin whose just come here to Australia to study and she tells me how liberating it is to be free from the constant badgering of middle-aged auntyjis trapped in loveless marriages. Remember they're probably intimidated by your success too and have to reassure themselves that they're not missing out on life... anyways keep up the good work

 
At 1:51 AM, Blogger BridalBeer said...

I agree with every word you said, like I wrote it myself.

 
At 3:45 AM, Blogger Plumpernickel said...

* anonymous - Thank you for visiting and for your comments.

* bridal - I'm getting v. tired now. I think not meeting those old biddies was a good idea. I am reverting back to being asocial.

 
At 11:28 PM, Blogger nn said...

Absolutely!! Why cant people mind their own business?
Here I am, parents looking out for prospective husbands and I vetoing everyone of them so far. Parents think I am too demanding but I just dont think I can marry someone with half my salary/ not interested in me (as a person)/asks me about my dowry. The salary being less I can adjust but considering the maturity of an average indian male, I dont think he would be too comfortable....

 
At 2:05 AM, Blogger actualfactual said...

My first ever "real" live girlfriend got in contact with me out of the blue, two days ago and we talked about this very thing. It was 12 years ago so we had loads of catching up to do - we'd stayed good friends, but lost contact and through an absurd set of coincidences (okay not that absurd, we work in the same field and she'd quoted a paper I'd written in the paper she's working on at the moment, but fortuitous at the very least). She's successful, not just a little bit, but immensely so. I'm jealous, well not jealous, full of respect for my (now) friend I suppose. Her parents are Anglo-Indian and obviously very proud of her. Except for one thing. She is 31 and is not married. Aunts are apparently the worst, but I wouldn't know.
I can tell you though (and it's just my personal experience), it's not that different for men in Europe, except that we get a tad more time.

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger Helen said...

I think it's an epidemic everywhere. In England it's common that people simply live together forever, however when I talk to friends and family in the States, they have an attitude of-why are you just living together? Implying: What's wrong with you?

Why should we have to compromise?

 

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