Wednesday, January 10, 2007

100 Grumpy Things

I am mostly grumpy. I am mostly anal. In a wedding of the two, I shall post 100 things about my anal grumpy self.
  1. I am almost always grumpy.
  2. I am almost always anal.
  3. I say "fuck" in my brain every 30 seconds.
  4. I don't like most people.
  5. I think following trends clotheswise is stupid.
  6. I don't like to be criticised.
  7. I don't like most men.
  8. I don't like feminine men.
  9. I don't like men who obssess about their bodies too much.
  10. I don't like men who know more about make-up than I do.
  11. That said, my favourite hair dresser is a man and he gives the best hair-cut in town and makes me look like a million bucks but he annoys me by calling me "sweetie".
  12. I don't like men calling women "sweetie".
  13. I don't like over-sporty men.
  14. I don't like men who stink.
  15. I don't like men who over-do the cologne.
  16. I don't like men with stinky breaths.
  17. I don't like men who try to inspire me to exercise.
  18. I don't like men staring at my boobs.
  19. I don't like sexist men.
  20. I don't like politically correct men. Yes, That's "POLITICALLY CORRECT".
  21. I don't like men who wear purple.
  22. I don't like men who wear rhinestones.
  23. I don't like men who can't cook.
  24. I don't like men who are players.
  25. I don't like men who don't have hair.
  26. I don't like most Asian men and that includes Indian men.
  27. I don't like men who don't appreciate the arts.
  28. I don't like men who don't read.
  29. I don't like men with excessive facial hair.
  30. I don't like men who get gushy.
  31. I don't like men who can't make good conversation.
  32. I don't like men who can't honour commitments.
  33. I don't like men who can't hold their drink.
  34. I don't like bullies.
  35. I don't like women who can't cook.
  36. I don't like people who have hobbies to appear hip.
  37. I don't like people who pretend to appreciate the arts.
  38. I don't like women with no careers.
  39. I don't like dirty public washrooms.
  40. I don't like women who are over-curious.
  41. I don't like gossip-mongers.
  42. I don't like sanitary napkins.
  43. I don't like Mamata Banerjee.
  44. I don't like her disrupting my life. Isn't my life enough disrupted already?
  45. I don't like margarine.
  46. I don't like bread warmed in the microwave.
  47. I don't like thick soups.
  48. I don't like chapped skin.
  49. I don't like bras that don't fit well.
  50. I don't like my home state. I hate it, actually.
  51. I don't like alumni associations, even though I'm a part of mine and I sort of miss my loony classmates.
  52. I don't like people ask me why I'm single, aren't the above reasons enough already?
  53. I don't like to be late and I can't stand people who make me wait.
  54. I don't like most doctors, I don't believe most of them.
  55. I don't like fitness instructors, I think most of them are unfit.
  56. I don't like exes. Mine stink.
  57. I don't like older women pointing out that I'm top heavy. I hate that term actually.
  58. I don't like wearing yellow, though I love yellow flowers, they make me happy.
  59. I don't like red roses. I've never, ever had red roses sent to me.
  60. I absolutely dread surprises.
  61. I hate my schedule going awry.
  62. I hate disorganization, to me life should be a straight line.
  63. I hate people who can't appreciate a sunset.
  64. I hate my periods. I hate what hormones do to my brain. They make me near suicidal and I hate being so depressed.
  65. I hate doing my taxes.
  66. I hate paperwork and my home paperwork puts my teeth on an edge because it HAS to be perfect.
  67. I don't like the summers. Which is a pity because the better part of my life is being spent where it will mostly be hot.
  68. I don't like not having my way. Always. Because, I am always right.
  69. I hate chocolate brown lipstick.
  70. I hate the widening disparity between the rich and the poor in India and all over the world.
  71. I don't like unnecessary meanness.
  72. I don't like organised religion. It scares the shit out of me.
  73. I don't like Godmen. Mostly because I envy the industry they have created. It used to be my ambition to be a Godwoman one day.
  74. I intensely hate child molestors who blame their crappy childhood for turning out to be screwed up. I know plenty of people with truly crappy childhoods who have turned out to be wonderful people and I can't see the justification in that statement.
  75. I don't like it when I call up my mother and her phone is engaged. Or my sister's. I have proprietary rights to both of them.
  76. I hate sleeping alone at night and having no one to snuggle up to. That is the reason I post torturous posts so late in the night.
  77. I don't like women or men who don't enjoy sex. I know plenty and so does everyone I know.
  78. I don't like most people in the Calcutta clubs. I find them horribly annoying and tedious and superficial.
  79. I don't like having no leisure time.
  80. I don't like oily, greasy food.
  81. I don't like people who don't enjoy food.
  82. I don't like people who are fussy eaters.
  83. I don't like the smell of fat rendering.
  84. I don't like to drink spirits. I am a wine drinker.
  85. I don't like my hair.
  86. I don't like most Indian weddings. I find them crass and vulgar.
  87. I don't like women who think they should be total bitches professionally to get to the top. Doesn't work and just makes people hate you that much more.
  88. I don't like to be pushed while shopping.
  89. I don't like being approached by shop people unnecessarily.
  90. I don't like cats.
  91. I don't like lack of ambition.
  92. I don't like global warming.
  93. I don't like ball point pens. I only write with ink pens.
  94. I I don't like being dehydrated.
  95. I hate spam.
  96. I don't like tinned foods.
  97. I don't like Indian soap operas.
  98. I don't like Indian news channels.
  99. I don't like fighting with my family, but they get on my nerves a lot.
  100. I don't like people who pretend to be cool on their blogs but actually are really boring in their real life.


At 10:09 AM, Blogger J. Alfred Prufrock said...

I fit at keast three of the categories up there.

That may explain your comment on my latest post.


At 1:51 PM, Blogger bubbleandsqueak said...

are'nt you supposed to be working??!!

Also how 'bout 100 things you like or atleast 50?.. actually you've inspired me to start writing mine.

At 2:47 PM, Blogger Plumpernickel said...

dada, I didn't mean the head. JFYI, a lot of things are exempt for friends and family.

Suzy, I post this at night or haven't you caught on by now?

At 7:35 PM, Anonymous Vanamonde said...

My! Should you ever meet you in person, I hope I'll have forgotten most of this list, or else I'll be paralyzed for fear of saying or doing something you hate...

At 10:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you a homophobe?

At 2:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well thanks (your name), it was refreshing going through your blog. can you post more saas/bahu bashing? please be specific about ekta kapoor, coz she's churning soaps as if on an assembly line.

here's a small list of things i don't like (am too lazy to put up my own blog and post them there:) ) -
1) ekta kapoor
2) Buddha Babu, for not keeping his word, and doing things based on his whims and fancies (the Maidan affair)
3) Mamata
4) my crappy job, working my ass off for the bloody americans (hope the CIA doesn't turn up at my place for this)
5) the way things are in India, dictatorship is the answer
6) keeping the rest to myself

At 1:09 PM, Blogger Plumpernickel said...

Things I hate - Addendum:
1. Random visitors to my blog who think I have no life but to post idiotic ekta kapoor serial reviews. I don't watch TV dude and when I do, I don't waste time on idiocy. If people like you stopped watching those serials, the TRP ratings would go down sooner or later.

At 7:49 AM, Blogger bubbleandsqueak said...

I think you could have saved time by writing : 'I don't like men' and 'I don't like people'


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