Ten ways to reduce expenses because your employer decides to make all your f****** tax-cuts in one month thus reducing you to penury

1. Wash your hair at home, manicure your nails yourself, pluck your eyebrows yourself all the while cursing taxes and nursing malevolent feelings against the whole God damn world.
2. Read all those books you bought and never read (because well, you bought other books) instead of buying more books.
3. Do not buy any new clothes and this is the one that breaks my heart in two.
4. Walk, walk, walk everywhere. I don't have a car, can't afford cabs thanks to my state of penury and refuse to take smelly, dirty, sweaty, disgusting public transport. This will also work wonders for those inclined horizontally such as, yours truly.
5. Gift favors instead of gifts as birthday presents and pretend you are turning over a new less-materialistic leaf and pray that the recipient does not do the same.
6. Make coffee/ tea/ cold shakes at home and pretend you are at Barista's and reinforce the feeling by saying aloud, "I anyway hang out all alone." Then burst into tears and wallow in self pity for a while and then think that any liquid lost (tears in this case) is loss of liquid and will reduce weight.
7. Avoid sea-food and pretend for a short while you are returning to the mother-earth bosom of vegetarianism.
8. Pretend you left your wallet at home/ office if ever you decide to hang out for a coffee/ tea/ drink with colleagues/ pals and justify it by totalling the number of times you have treated all the imbecilic cretins.
9. Break the news gently to your pals that you will not be accompanying them for a weekend trip and cite bankruptcy as the reason in the hope that one of them will own up to deep pockets and fund your trip, though with friends like mine (refer to previous comments) the likelihood of this happening is close to nil.
10. Do all your internet work at work. Check mail, update your blog and talk with friends at work only.

If everything fails, turn to family/ parents with tail firmly between your legs and a contrite expression.