All Over You

I can be very self-destructive relationship-wise. It is as if I can't believe that anything good can happen to me and so I sabotage anything good happening. I have ruined every momentous occassion because I was afraid that if I did not do anything negative something bad would happen. However, I am changing. I am being cleansed slowly and steadily. The process of healing is slow, given that time is precious and I have so little to spare, but still, I don't scratch my scabs as much as I used to. And so I wonder why I still think the world of him? Why? Why? Why? Why have I not been able to break out of this habit like I have with the others? Why? He's mostly bitter, mostly rude, mostly selfish and today he's 64 and may he stay forever young.