I will happily support your business, but spare me the CSR angle and your charity

These days, I find myself increasingly being asked to attend events. This makes me happy because I like meeting people, doing fun stuff, being entertained, maybe eating an hors d'oeuvres or two and generally being sociable and spending my money in the vague direction of "Art" and "Culture".

However, off late, every event, every business venture seems to have a charity hanging on its coat-tails. This annoys me a lot. Why it annoys me is because, I know most people use it like a scam and to hoodwink their friends, family, social acquaintances, rather shamelessly, guilting them into opening up their purses. This is wrong and unethical on very many levels. If you want people to spend, make your business/ product/ service attractive and competitive, to make people want it and aspire for it. Making people do so, under the guise of "doing good" will probably not make them repeat the action, and sooner or later people will realise that they are being hoodwinked. There is no shame in being a business owner or capitalist. In fact, in my eyes I will rate you higher than, if you tell me you are associated with a NGO/ charity.

I am also amazed, when people I hardly know or have not met and spoken with for ages, suddenly pop in from the blue and ask me to support some charitable venture. Why would I? I am happy being a charmless, friendless asshole rather than a sitting duck. I am happy to support a business or enterprise, because I feel it makes more sense and in a way is being more useful and contributive to society, than a silly little support group to inflate egos of bored housewives.

If you do need funds for charity or any social endeavor, just be upfront about it, rather than making people buy your stupid doodads. I will be serious about your charity, if I know it is just that and not a way to make me buy shit. I do support many groups doing useful work, but the moment they ask me to attend an art and cocktail event, I will bid them a fond farewell! I am happy attending such an event ONLY for art, but I really dislike this idiotic trend of 5-star charity and doing-good. Even a famous activist used up funds for booze and beauty parlors, so before getting sucked in to any such activity, do stop and think!

How to be a Houseguest from hell

1. Insist on visiting, citing concern, when host has met with an accident.
2. After being categorically told that your visit will be very inconvenient, visit anyway.
3. When your host is being rolled into the Operation theatre, call and demand a car be sent to pick you up from the airport. Then specify, which car and which driver.
4. On reaching, visit the hospital at 10 pm, and demand to see the host, who is lying unconscious after being wheeled out of the OT an hour ago.
5. The next day, land up at the hospital at 7 am, before your host is sponged, ready or has breakfast and his medicines.
6. Sit in your host's cabin for the next 14 hours. When his wife asks you to leave during the afternoon, so he can relax, ignore and say you will paste your butt in the cabin itself.
7. Lie on the couch, while your host's wife who has slept only for 3 hours the night before sits on a chair the entire time.
8. Talk loudly, gossip, be a general annoyance all through the 14 hours. Keep playing candycrush loudly, when other people are trying to sleep.
9. Order host's staff and wife every few hours for tea, coffee. Interfere in meal plans. Give your unsolicited opinions.
10. Leave at night, only when asked by the host and then say, you are being insulted.
11. Insist your host speaks on facetime with your obnoxious and rude daughters, nevermind that your host is UNWELL and has just been operated.
12. Order host's staff around the next day, until you leave finally.

And then, after all this, expect royal, entitled treatment all through, for life.

Dear ladies, please note, if any of your male acquaintance gets married, behaving like this will ensure, you will be banned from the couple's life, forever.