Saturday, April 16, 2011

Indian Trophy Wife Characteristics

  1. Blonde hair, either streaked or fully dyed. For some reason, Indian men like all others, like their trophy wife, blonde.

  2. Previous professions - PR, Event management, Hotels/ hospitality industry, flight attendants, journalism (may surprise you, but true).

  3. Clothed in Sabyasachi/ Ritu Kumar/ Gucci/ Any Designer label as long as it is loud. Show me a trophy wife who has ever carried off a sophisticated kanjeevaram and I will happily eat a tiny portion of durian.

  4. Given to talking loudly about creative vacations.

  5. Flashing a big fat diamond somewhere, either on the finger or ears. Understatement, is clearly a concept not understood.

  6. Always in heels.

  7. Sporting a big designer bag. See above wrt understatement.

  8. Always interested in art, even though may not be able to distinguish a picasso from a miro. If is able to, guaranteed to do so in loud tones, that can be heard across room.

  9. Is incapable of having a sensible conversation with husband's female colleagues that does not involve maids, children or condescension.

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What They Dont Teach At IIMs

If I had a dollar for every overeducated asshole I met, I would have atleast a quarter million dollars. Somehow these days being a nice human being equals being unsuccessful. Atleast that is what they teach at the IITs and the IIMs. These are the people running organizations, very successfully. These are the people who make India shining. These are the people who are the cream of the crop and these are the people who are represent India in most global forums. These are the people who compose the majority of my friends, who a majority of my friends are married to, and who I have grown up with. Yet, I have zero respect for them as human beings.
Fine, your IQ is 130+, you went to a better college but does that give you the licence to be a complete jerk? You too will kick the bucket some day and in pretty much the same manner as any other person who is not God's gift to mankind. One may think I'm mad and given to ranting, YET you decide after these scenarios whether these guys are assholes or not.
1. Guy asks (lady) colleague if she needs help shopping for groceries, as she doesnt have a car. On way back, guy asks lady if he can come up. Lady says no. Guy says, "Well, fine, but dont think I wont be fucking other women then." Guy from an IIM and a professor to boot. His female students have all my sympathy.
2. Guy points to pillar and tells lady, I can be that for you. Lady asks if he is married or not. Guy says, "I'm a free man." Lady finds out guy is married for last 20 years and nowhere near a divorce. Guy from an IIM.
3. Guy tells lady he is meeting in an arranged marriage thing, "Well, you know I am a catch. While you are probably my intellectual equal, the other options I have will look better with me everywhere." Guy from IIT/ IIM.
4. Guy tells lady, "I have been with hundreds of women, and they are good to fuck, but I'd rather sit here and have a conversation with you." A winner this one, ladies. Guy from an IIM.
5. Guy meets college friend (Lady) at the airport. Guy doesnt introduce trophy wife to Lady after learning she is still single. Guy from IIT/ IIM.

The above scenarios did not happen with me. So, apparently I am not alone in thinking going to the best universities/ colleges in India, does not automatically make you superior or God's gift to womankind/ mankind.

In my opinion, the following courses should be taught at the IITs and IIMs post haste:
1. How to behave with women who are your social, economical and intellectual equals 101.
2. Manners To Display with ladies whose pants you are aiming to get into 101. (Newsflash - Being a jerk and having the last word is not going to cut it)
3. How to handle initial rejection without coming across as a complete asshole 101.
4. What not to say to your female colleagues 101. (MAYBE Phaneesh Murthy could be a guest professor)
5. How to deal with the fact that women will always exist at the workplace whether you like it or not 101.

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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Atleast I Have Bob

The saddest truth about growing up is that one is always alone. One has a family, parents, friends, etc. etc. but when you really need human presence, it is not there. Isnt it funny how one can be so lonely in a city of over 13 million people and in a country of 1.21 billion people? You have people to hang out, but you may not feel relaxed in their company or you are not able to schedule them into your life. Really, who on earth would have time for a conversation and tea at 1:00 am? Perhaps it is time to change the whole chosing thing. Meanwhile, there'll always be Bob.

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