Death Is Not The End

We attended a prayer meeting held for the dearly departed father of one of SO's friends in Delhi recently. It was at a Arya Samaj Mandir and I was generally appreciative of the no rites and a sober remembrance thing.

The Pandit (preacher) started off well by chanting Gayatri Mantra and other funereal mantras and shlokas and then, suddenly burst into a very Bollywood, "Chal ud Ja Re Panchi", which startled everyone off their wits and in my opinion woke everyone up and generally made everyone struggle hard not to burst out laughing.

Who needs entertainment, when friends and family offer themselves so readily. Right?

This Year My Word is Yes (Probably)

If I still have any regular readers, you may have thought I have stopped posting. The past year was a difficult, bittersweet, stressful year and most of every week, I would open a new post and pour my heart out, but not publish anything, because I could not bring myself to be positive and I did not want this blog to be a depression diary.

The reason, as some of you may know was a battle that stretched longer than it should have, and drained me emotionally, physically, mentally and also financially. Thing is, I finally won. So, there is something to be said in favour of being positive and not losing hope. Though, I lost hope many times and was ready to quit and run away more than 4 times. Thanks to a very supportive and loving family, SO and support staff, I was able to make it through. Thank you for making me feel like a superstar when I was actually feeling soiled, torn and conflicted. Sometimes, even though I fought with each and everyone of you, your voice at the other end of the telephone strengthened me. My people, most of who do not even know about the existence of this blog, Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Now that my oscar acceptance speech is over, we can get on, yes? Most of you also know how stubborn I can be and how resistant I can be to change, especially when the decision is not mine. The last year has taught me to be open, have faith, push myself and accept whatever comes my way with an open attitude. So, this year, rather than being set in my ways, I will change. I will say yes to new experiences, change of places, change of people, change of anything purely to experience change. I will not hold back, I will try and not hesitate.

This "Yes" business occurred to me during my last holiday in which I did lots of stuff I had always wanted to, but never got around to, due to shyness, inhibitions, lack of company and various other silly reasons. So, I finally crossed off few more things on my "Things to do before I die" List and I ziplined, did pottery classes, did cooking and baking classes, gambled and made newer friends. I had a lot of fun.

If any of you want a story about my crazy family, a list or two, a rant about Indian men, recipes, do let me know. I will be happy to oblige. You see, this is my year of saying, "Yes"!

What They Dont Teach At IIMs

If I had a dollar for every overeducated asshole I met, I would have atleast a quarter million dollars. Somehow these days being a nice human being equals being unsuccessful. Atleast that is what they teach at the IITs and the IIMs. These are the people running organizations, very successfully. These are the people who make India shining. These are the people who are the cream of the crop and these are the people who are represent India in most global forums. These are the people who compose the majority of my friends, who a majority of my friends are married to, and who I have grown up with. Yet, I have zero respect for them as human beings.
Fine, your IQ is 130+, you went to a better college but does that give you the licence to be a complete jerk? You too will kick the bucket some day and in pretty much the same manner as any other person who is not God's gift to mankind. One may think I'm mad and given to ranting, YET you decide after these scenarios whether these guys are assholes or not.
1. Guy asks (lady) colleague if she needs help shopping for groceries, as she doesnt have a car. On way back, guy asks lady if he can come up. Lady says no. Guy says, "Well, fine, but dont think I wont be fucking other women then." Guy from an IIM and a professor to boot. His female students have all my sympathy.
2. Guy points to pillar and tells lady, I can be that for you. Lady asks if he is married or not. Guy says, "I'm a free man." Lady finds out guy is married for last 20 years and nowhere near a divorce. Guy from an IIM.
3. Guy tells lady he is meeting in an arranged marriage thing, "Well, you know I am a catch. While you are probably my intellectual equal, the other options I have will look better with me everywhere." Guy from IIT/ IIM.
4. Guy tells lady, "I have been with hundreds of women, and they are good to fuck, but I'd rather sit here and have a conversation with you." A winner this one, ladies. Guy from an IIM.
5. Guy meets college friend (Lady) at the airport. Guy doesnt introduce trophy wife to Lady after learning she is still single. Guy from IIT/ IIM.

The above scenarios did not happen with me. So, apparently I am not alone in thinking going to the best universities/ colleges in India, does not automatically make you superior or God's gift to womankind/ mankind.

In my opinion, the following courses should be taught at the IITs and IIMs post haste:
1. How to behave with women who are your social, economical and intellectual equals 101.
2. Manners To Display with ladies whose pants you are aiming to get into 101. (Newsflash - Being a jerk and having the last word is not going to cut it)
3. How to handle initial rejection without coming across as a complete asshole 101.
4. What not to say to your female colleagues 101. (MAYBE Phaneesh Murthy could be a guest professor)
5. How to deal with the fact that women will always exist at the workplace whether you like it or not 101.

Polite Conversation

It isnt the done thing to ask ladies how old they are. So, in India people ask you the year you graduated. Doc, did the same. I said, "2000". He said very sadly, "1989." Then he drank 2 glasses of wine very, very quickly.

Boundaries and Fences

1. The Internet is not really an anonymous medium. You may have a nickname but that doesn't mean you have to be obnoxious. Amazingly, a lot of people forget this. I'm outspoken, if provoked and this blog is a testament of that fact. Still, there is a difference in being outspoken and being obnoxious. Putting down people without reason is juvenile.
2. Everyone on the Internet is not looking for a match making experience, even if they are single, such as moi. I am polite, flirty even but taken. I dont wish to discuss my personal life in public and that is that. It is irritating to have people hitting on you just because one doesnt like to gush on and on about one's personal life.
3. Being abusive is fine, as is swearing, but sometimes it is revolting, especially when your abuse involves the female genitalia. Just why calling someone female genitalia is abusive, I don't understand, however, I find it very offensive, next to racist abuses people tend to use rather freely.
4. Being on twitter has been an eye opener on how people younger than I, feel and think. Well, nothing has changed with the demographic I am familiar with - engineering/ management graduates. Still misogynist, sexist, racist and desperately chasing tags. Is it a wonder I feel like a misfit at work? Who am I kidding? Indian men just do not know how to behave with women at work and never will learn until their mothers stop treating like Gods. Mommy dearest, are you listening?

So Women + Wine = Fallen Woman?

Prior Art: They say that if you aren't sure of something, you should keep your mouth shut and let people think you are a fool rather than open it and confirm the sorry fact. Anyhow. Being inclined towards the good things in life, including Le food and Le drink, I am inclined to socializing based on my likes, so that even if I secretly don't like the people I meet, I at least am sticking to the pleasure principle by enjoying my food and drink.
Background: My work involves occasionally imbibing huge quantities of alcohol and still having a clear head and no, I don't work for UB. College prepared me well for this aspect of my job and I confidently can state that I can out drink a normal man (I do know of some Goliaths and this david, cannot slay them, but the average man who likes his drink, I can out drink). I hate people making drinking or any pleasure of life an ego thing, since I feel it takes away the initial pleasure. After 3 bottles, the wine one drinks, could be plonk and one would still feel it was a Mouton de Rothschild, still if so inclined, I can be competitive.
At work, I really work, but outside work, I am a secret party animal. However, you could never make this out if you saw me at work.
Description: Calcutta, cracks me up. I joined a sorta secret sisoty of people who get together to enjoy food and drink. When I do things, I do them very literally. I wouldnt have joined if there was any other ulterior motive, such as social climbing - something I hate from the bottom of my heart. Apparently, the objective of this sisoty has not been taken as literally as I did, by everyone in it. I met someone I had been sorta communicating professionally and I got talking and then this guy asked me if I was the self same ogress plumpernickel and I said yes and he appeared gobsmacked. According to him, my erstwhile reputation as a non-smoking, non-drinking pavitra bhartiya nari (FAIL!) was now in tatters, since I apparently enjoyed sura and sur and therefore was now typecast as a fallen women. Oh Calcutta! Indeed!

How To Say "No"

1. Just say "No", I really do not care you killed a fake uncle or how tired your poor, hardworking husband gets after returning from ummm... whatever.
2. If you have a story, stick to it. It can either be a dead fake uncle OR tired hardworking husband. Not both. One story per excuse is credible. Now, if you add a mumps ridden kid to it too, do you want me to write you a cheque too?
3. If it is an excuse used often, remember what you used last time.
4. Try to make it short, because rambling on and on makes your feeble lie even more feebler. Plus, just a "No" is enough. Most people dont really care about your reasons.
5. If "illness" is your standard excuse, I'm not setting a foot into your house ever, because who really wants a slew of infections? Ewwwwww.....
6. Most importantly, be gracious. Image is everything and you really don't want the reason why you were asked in the first place, flushed down the toilet, do ya?

Loud Ladies, My Next Best Friend and Clutter

I hated the book SATC, liked the TV Series (I think the story-narration-trend was started by SATC, and now EVERY soap opera has it) and went to watch the movie hoping for the best. I'm never buying a Louis Vuitton again. That's how much I got pissed off at the products plugging. So not done! But, but, I bet the cost of the movie was met by that. Some people have all the luck. My movie watching experience was spoilt by the LOUD woman sitting behind me who went on giving a running commentary on HER movie watching experience. After intermission, I couldn't take it and I shushed her effectively. WHY do people go to the movies to talk?

I love good Art. Readers (WTF is everybody, err... my only 2 readers, ie) of this blog also know I am deeply opinionated. I am opinionated about Art too. Too opinionated. I feel really angry at the crap people are peddling as quality art. Anyway, today after ages, my next best friend called me up out of the blue and now I find myself with 8 paintings. I have made a major purchase after almost 6 months. Yes, thats how long it took me to find art I wanted to buy.

I have put stationery dividers in all my drawers. Now, my clutter is also well-organized. This is something that makes me wildly elated.

How to be a Non-Annoying House Guest 101

• Inform your host about your allergies and schedules atleast a day in advance.
• Inform your host about your date of arrival atleast 3 days in advance.
• Make an effort to eat the food during mealtimes, unless you have serious food allergies. And if you do, please inform the host in advance.
• Try and express interest in your host's life and try not to deride their interests on their faces and often. This specifically applies to old college and school friends, because people change and often develop different interests over the years that you wouldn't know about.
• When your host asks you what you want to do, do not always say, "Whatever!" or "Anything you want to do." It makes your host clueless as to what to plan for you to make you feel comfortable. The same goes for food. If you let your host know what you like, it helps.
• Try and spend quality time with your host, rather than calling up all friends and relatives all the time and regailing them with a minute to minute account of your day.