Saturday, December 10, 2011

Nani Arranges Mother Goose Ensembles At Local Kirtan Mandli

Like a lot of people my age, my parents too packed us off to my maternal grandparents' for our summer vacations. We resented it, because while my classmates had photos of Goa or Bombay or Shimla or 'Whichever US Univ Dad was teaching at', we, 8 times out of 10 were visiting the boondocks (interior Awadh) and had no exotic tales (or so we thought) to relate.

Nani (maternal grandmother) awaited our summer vacations 10 times more eagerly than we did. We were Nani's little showpieces, with multilingual skills (Hindi, Bengali, English and a smattering of German heavily embellished when we faltered), musical abilities (Ha!), dancing talent and various other skills that Nani couldnt wait to show off.

Nani would announce months in advance, our royal arrivals and departures. Every single day, some rural lady would come to gawk and mark attendance in Nani's Court, at us little precocious princelings and princesslings.

This royal appearance would consist of us being first scrubbed from head to toe, being dressed in frocks/ skirts/ dresses or pants/ jumpers (Indian clothes did not hold much favour with Nani who thought them ganwaar and old fashioned), having our hair brushed till it shone (I always suffered because I had hair below my waist and the agony of having it brushed and plaited into neat braids, I will never forget), and putting on socks and shoes in the hottest months of UP. Then after we were suitably attired and checked by martinet Nani, we would be made to sit side by side in Nani's receiving rooms. Only then would the rural (and sometimes not rural) guest be allowed to feast their eyes on us. Our praises would be sung to high heavens. Our beauty would be compared to Lakshmi, Saraswati and Durga depending on the mood and our virtues would be extolled to no end.

Then hot tea or Brahmi Sherbet (I will not care to explain this, for fear that I will start howling and wailing without stopping) or Bael Sherbet or Phalsa Sherbet or Aam Panna or Shikanji or some similar tasty drink would be served with hot pakodas or matthris (Like only women in my family are capable of making and I do not exaggerate when I say this) or some hot snack and ladoos, kachri (rice flour wafers), different kinds of papads, sev, biscuits, halwa and the fruits of the season (more often than not, dassehri or langdas from our orchards) would be served. If the visitor had strained circumstances, a big fat pack of food was prepared to take home. After the heavy nashta, cold water from our wells would be served (I am not maudlin when I say this, but I have never drunk tastier water than the water from our wells and tube wells. Was it the ghaghra -Sarayu river- or what, I dont know). After cold water was gulped down in 1 litre big brass tumblers, it was a signal to the guest that it was time to bid a fond farewell and Nani would start relating what a busy person she was. The guest would then stuff money in our hands (ranging from 2 Rupees to 100-500 Rupees, depending on the socio-economic background) and we would get Nani's signals to touch the guests feet regardless of social stature. The guest would then comment on how well- brought-up we were and depart.

Once a week, Nani would assemble a kirtan mandli, consisting of all the ladies in the village, who would assemble and sing kirtans (hymns) very very tunelessly. Nani had also included folk songs which she would improvise according to the situation. This was also Nani's way of gathering info about the goings-on in the village and was the perfect way of her getting the opportunity to poke her nose in business that most certainly wasnt hers. During our vacations, she would drag us to her kirtan groups and her mandate was that we perform at the events. The performance had to be new and unique and preferably should not be repeated. I, my siblings and my cousin sisters would rack our brains and come up with stuff. So, the good ladies of Ganeshpur were exposed to cultural oddities such as Mother Goose's Bobby Shaftoe, Cobbler Cobbler, The Crooked Sixpence, For Want of a Nail, Little Tom Tucker etc. and also stuff like 500 Miles, O Captain My Captain, Daffodils, Ave Maria, Rabindrasangeet and Nazrul giti, all the chota khayals I sang horribly, I have a dream, Fernando, Brown Girl in the Ring and my sister and my odissi and kathak awful awful recitations. My odissi recital (it was way beyond awful, was a dashavtar piece that I was forced into at school - difference was I did all the parts at Nani's) proved to be the crowd stealer and was mentioned for many years to come. I still chuckle at the memories and how Nani would force junta to form an audience to appreciate her gifted, talented granddaughters and grandsons.

Once we reached our teens, we rebelled and refused to perform. That was the end. Had I known or realised the powerful love behind Nani's orders, I would have danced till my feet dropped off, whenever she wanted me too and sung till I lost my voice. I now know what an amazing powerful force my Nani was and I hope I have even a tenth of the lifeforce she had, and a fraction of the strength she showed till the last breath she took.

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Saturday, September 17, 2011

What We Did Wrong

Ran away when there was no need. And we now live to regret it, every single passing second.

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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I Think This Time We Shall Escape

Was that the thunder that I heard?
My head is vibrating,
I feel a sharp pain
Come sit by me, don’t say a word
Oh, can it be that I am slain?
Quick, Magdalena, take my gun

Look up in the hills, that flash of light
Aim well my little one
We may not make it through the night

This beyond everything is what I fear and cannot control. Everything else, is well under control. I feel this strongly with every passing day. Time truly does not wait. You know, my gut feelings are always right, and no, I am not being over dramatic again.

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All I feel Is Heat And Flame And All I See Are Dark Eyes

Its not as if I couldn't, it is just that I don't wish to. I could go to bed early, but it is just so difficult without you.

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Lily, Rosemary And The Jack Of Hearts

So, I asked for flowers and I got flowers. So many flowers, I can't complain, people dont do what I ask them to do. One gigantic bouquet mystified me. A giant, ginormous, life size bouquet of rajnigandhas from lil brother. So, I thanked him for the rajnigandhas and he asked me puzzled, "rajnigandhas?!" Ah brother, how well I know thee! I asked him if he knew that on online sites, rajnigandhas are often labelled as "tubeROSES". Brother said, "Argh! How was I supposed to know?"
Brother dear, had you not thrown a fit ALL those years when your botany/ biology practicals and projects were due, to blackmail me into doing your schoolwork, you would have KNOWN!

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Thursday, September 08, 2011

A Day In The Life

One day I am going to record the sounds that start and end my day. Beginning with sometimes birds twittering in the tree next to my bedroom window. The sounds of a radio being tuned by the dhobi who's positioned himself next to our building. People jostling near the water hydrant. The swish-swish of my maid doing a quick sweep and mop. The gentle whizz of the juicer. The sounds of breakfast being cooked. The rustling of the newspaper. The pitter-patter of the shower. The slamming of car doors. The cacophony of traffic. Phonecalls, pagers, intercoms, people, gentle clickety-clack of keyboards (sometimes), droning of voices, hum of airconditioners, the whooshes of coffee machines, punctuated twice or thrice by the azaan. Traffic again but this time a little gentler. The jangling strident calls of my cellphone. Television. Then, silence again.

And through it all, what I long to hear is this - the gentle lapping of tiny waves and the slap-slap of the water in the canals as vaparetto(s?) speed through or gondolas cut through. The sometimes raucous laughs of loud, Italian women, tourists for who this is the vacation of a lifetime (Who am I to say a thing? I keep posting these sorry pics on my blog) and the laughs, the fights and talk of people, who they say contribute in sinking this city a little more each year.









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Friday, July 29, 2011

Songs That Make Me Feel Better

Yeah this blog still exists. Could not post for many, many reasons. Work, work, work. Home renovations that resulted in my UPS and monitor going bust. And yeah, I am still one of the dinosaurs who still uses a PC. And my monitor is 24" wide. Yes. Take that you bleddy tablet users. You will never know the satisfaction of not having to scroll and scroll till kingdom come to type one effin' sentence.
Anyhow, the home renovations are done. I am satisfied because I have 2 nice enough bathrooms (I still dont have a tub at home, but that will happen in 5 years time, maybe sooner, whenever I feel brave enough to push myself out of my comfort zone once again), lovely floors, a silver ceiling, and an empty bank balance. I am relieved to be home after living out of a suitcase for more than a month. Which is ironical, since I will be travelling frequently again for the next part of the year, BUT the home renovations are done, my PC is up and running, my printer and fax machines are working and I will return to a home with nice bathrooms!
This post is most certainly NOT about home renovations. This is about Songs That Make Me Feel Better. While I was away, I missed everything. Most of all, I missed my shoes and the bad music that is my equivalent of comfort food. These are the songs that always cheer me up. Mostly because of the positive associations I have with them. Some remind me of the times when life was less complicated. Some of the times when I could love better. Some of innocence. Some of lost loves. Some of being with friends who are no longer friends because of various reasons. Some of making out - earlier one didnt need to think of the whys and wherefores and the consequences and now one mourns the loss. Some of my family. Some of just happy random memories that are buried deep inside my brain that I cannot remember anymore. Some are just happy cheerful songs.
1. What's Going On - 4 Non Blondes
2. Dont Talk Just Kiss - Right Said Fred
3. Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer
4. Kung-fu Fighting - Carl Douglas
5. Hotstepper - Ini Kamoze
6. Living Next Door To Alice - Smokie
7. Karma Chameleon - Culture Club
8. Never On A Sunday - The Chordettes (Though I grew up hearing the Nana Mouskouri version)
9. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go - Wham
10. Barbie Girl - Aqua (yeah yeah I know)
11. The Ketchup Song - Las Ketchup
12. Viva La Vida - Coldplay
13. I have a dream - Abba
14. Brown Girl in the Ring - Boney M
15. When we were young - Take That
16. Never Forget - Take That (Oh how I loved this song at a point in my life. In my mind this was the best boy band ever after New Kids On The Block)
17. Tubthumping - Chumbawamba
18. Sultans of Swing - Dire Straits
19. Honky Tonk Women - Rolling Stones
20. I will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
21. Que Sera Sera - Doris Day
22. Money for nothing - Dire Straits
23. You Gotta Be - Des'ree
24. Sweetest Thing - U2
25. I would do anything for love - Meatloaf
26. Maggie May - Rod Stewart
27. Free Fallin' - Tom Petty (I know this isnt a happy song but it makes me feel happy)
28. Rainy Day Women # 12 & 35 - Bob Dylan
29. Funky Town - I dont remember who sang this but happy, happy feel
30. You’re The First, The Last, My Everything - Barry White
31. YMCA - The Village People
32. Jambalaya - Creedence Clearwater Revival
33. Speedy Gonsales - Dont remember the singer
34. Lady Marmalade - Christina Aguilera, Pink, Mya, Lil' Kim (LOVE LOVE LOVE it)
35. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
36. Light My Fire - Doors
37. Hotel California - Eagles (Just how many bad versions can a person suffer and still feel happy with the eagles' version - gadzillion - I am living proof)
38. We will Rock You - Queen
39. Killer Queen - Queen
40. Walk On The Wild Side - Lou Reed (kisses V)
41. California Dreamin'- The Mamas and the Papas
42. All The Young Dudes - Mott The Hoople
43. I'm too sexy - Right Said Fred
44. Macarena
45. American Pie - Don McLean
46. The Animal Song - Savage Garden
47. Kokomo - The Beach Boys (I never said this was a umm.. indicator of good taste list, did I?)
48. Wild Wild West (yeah, yeah go and laugh now)
49. Mambo # 5 - Lou Bega (Someone once told me this was an indicator I was nuts - could me, but damn does this make me want to dance)
50. Cotton Eyed Joe - Rednecks (Are you guys hald dead with laughter by now?)
51. Wannabe - Spice Girls

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Sunday, May 08, 2011

Sunday Night Dinner - Lal Maas

I have been somewhat underweather for the past few days and had to be subjected to a bout of antibiotics. So, today for dinner, I wanted something fiery, spicy and meaty. Normally I would just get a portion of burra kebabs from Kwalitys, but as my doctor has banned me from eating outside, decided to cook mutton at home. I also wanted a recipe in which I would not need to marinate mutton, because invariably, I make mistakes and lose patience midway.

After pouring through the collection of cookbooks that had been gathering dust, I located a recipe for lal maas (literally red meat) in Curry. The recipe did not call for complicated ingredients and I had everything I needed. The recipe itself is simple and involves first soaking the dry red chillies, then frying the garlic and onion until golden brown alongwith cloves, green and black cardamoms and bayleaves. Then adding the mutton and frying for 2-3 minutes, adding the soaked red chillies, cooking some more, then adding a yogurt and spice mixture (coriander powder, roasted cumin, red chillies powder - I used Kashmiri, salt) and cooking until the water dries up. I then detracted from the recipe and plonked it all into a pressure cooker, added stock, checked the seasoning and then pressure cooked until 6 whistles because I like my mutton dropping off the bone in curries. After the pressure had gone down, I added some chopped coriander. The original recipe called for a tadka of ghee, cloves and some more dry red chillies, but I thought it was aromatic enough and I didnt want it to be swimming in fat.

Ate it with hot phulkas (chappatis). I was very satisfied with this recipe and plan to incorporate it in my favourites. Mostly because it is easy to cook and I am very lazy, the flavouring is wonderful and it comes out looking very very inviting.

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Saturday, April 16, 2011

Indian Trophy Wife Characteristics


  1. Blonde hair, either streaked or fully dyed. For some reason, Indian men like all others, like their trophy wife, blonde.

  2. Previous professions - PR, Event management, Hotels/ hospitality industry, flight attendants, journalism (may surprise you, but true).

  3. Clothed in Sabyasachi/ Ritu Kumar/ Gucci/ Any Designer label as long as it is loud. Show me a trophy wife who has ever carried off a sophisticated kanjeevaram and I will happily eat a tiny portion of durian.

  4. Given to talking loudly about creative vacations.

  5. Flashing a big fat diamond somewhere, either on the finger or ears. Understatement, is clearly a concept not understood.

  6. Always in heels.

  7. Sporting a big designer bag. See above wrt understatement.

  8. Always interested in art, even though may not be able to distinguish a picasso from a miro. If is able to, guaranteed to do so in loud tones, that can be heard across room.

  9. Is incapable of having a sensible conversation with husband's female colleagues that does not involve maids, children or condescension.

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What They Dont Teach At IIMs

If I had a dollar for every overeducated asshole I met, I would have atleast a quarter million dollars. Somehow these days being a nice human being equals being unsuccessful. Atleast that is what they teach at the IITs and the IIMs. These are the people running organizations, very successfully. These are the people who make India shining. These are the people who are the cream of the crop and these are the people who are represent India in most global forums. These are the people who compose the majority of my friends, who a majority of my friends are married to, and who I have grown up with. Yet, I have zero respect for them as human beings.
Fine, your IQ is 130+, you went to a better college but does that give you the licence to be a complete jerk? You too will kick the bucket some day and in pretty much the same manner as any other person who is not God's gift to mankind. One may think I'm mad and given to ranting, YET you decide after these scenarios whether these guys are assholes or not.
1. Guy asks (lady) colleague if she needs help shopping for groceries, as she doesnt have a car. On way back, guy asks lady if he can come up. Lady says no. Guy says, "Well, fine, but dont think I wont be fucking other women then." Guy from an IIM and a professor to boot. His female students have all my sympathy.
2. Guy points to pillar and tells lady, I can be that for you. Lady asks if he is married or not. Guy says, "I'm a free man." Lady finds out guy is married for last 20 years and nowhere near a divorce. Guy from an IIM.
3. Guy tells lady he is meeting in an arranged marriage thing, "Well, you know I am a catch. While you are probably my intellectual equal, the other options I have will look better with me everywhere." Guy from IIT/ IIM.
4. Guy tells lady, "I have been with hundreds of women, and they are good to fuck, but I'd rather sit here and have a conversation with you." A winner this one, ladies. Guy from an IIM.
5. Guy meets college friend (Lady) at the airport. Guy doesnt introduce trophy wife to Lady after learning she is still single. Guy from IIT/ IIM.

The above scenarios did not happen with me. So, apparently I am not alone in thinking going to the best universities/ colleges in India, does not automatically make you superior or God's gift to womankind/ mankind.

In my opinion, the following courses should be taught at the IITs and IIMs post haste:
1. How to behave with women who are your social, economical and intellectual equals 101.
2. Manners To Display with ladies whose pants you are aiming to get into 101. (Newsflash - Being a jerk and having the last word is not going to cut it)
3. How to handle initial rejection without coming across as a complete asshole 101.
4. What not to say to your female colleagues 101. (MAYBE Phaneesh Murthy could be a guest professor)
5. How to deal with the fact that women will always exist at the workplace whether you like it or not 101.

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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Atleast I Have Bob

The saddest truth about growing up is that one is always alone. One has a family, parents, friends, etc. etc. but when you really need human presence, it is not there. Isnt it funny how one can be so lonely in a city of over 13 million people and in a country of 1.21 billion people? You have people to hang out, but you may not feel relaxed in their company or you are not able to schedule them into your life. Really, who on earth would have time for a conversation and tea at 1:00 am? Perhaps it is time to change the whole chosing thing. Meanwhile, there'll always be Bob.

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Friday, March 25, 2011

Hey Sista Go Sista Soul Sista Flow Sista

Does anyone remember that song, even?

Lately I've been busy. So busy, I haven't had time to write, get a haircut, get a manicure, buy groceries, read a book or keep up with friends. I don't see any change in this situation anytime soon.

When I occasionally resurface to get a gasp of air and catch up with my friends, I get confused. All my close friends have embraced motherhood not just once but twice over now. At times, we have nothing much to say to each other but old friendship is such a thing, you just sorta go along with the flow. For me, having them ladies around makes my life somewhat more balanced, and I am glad my friends accept me even though I neglect them, sometimes for decades because I'm too busy doing my stuff.

Whenever I meet some of my close friends, I cant help feel life is unfair in general to women. Where we meant to child-bear and give up our careers for our kids and husbands/ partners? Why is it so difficult to do both? I'm not saying it is easy, I know it is very difficult for working mums, and that is my problem. Why is it not difficult for working dads? Even now, the cooking-sewing-flowers-growing is essentially a ladies' chore, at least in India. Rarely does a man equally handle child bearing and rearing. Being your child's best buddy and friendly cop is not really bearing the burden of parenthood. When I see an equal amount of men cleaning poop, I will shut up. In reality, most of the dirty parts of child bearing are done by women. Which is probably why the mother-child bond is stronger. Perhaps, mothers do love their kids more, enough to carry them to term, breast feed, handle the poop and the vomit and then do it all over again.

All the men who start calling me an asshole on reading the above, please bear in mind that my blog is about my personal experiences and not yours, which is why, shut the fuck up. As for the gay dudes, wtf is wrong with you, why want a mewling puking thing that will accuse you of ruining its life once it has the power to argue and deliberate?

I marvel everyday at my friends, sister, cousins and colleagues who have chosen to have children. But, in the corners of my heart, I feel the world is unfair and unjust.

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Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Inconvenience Regretted

My parents sent this photo to me and my siblings and said, "Now that we are getting old, we know you three will be inconvenienced far more than we are comfortable. So, we thought this photo was so very apt."
Everytime I look at it, I cry a little. I am the middle child and I remember my father when he would carry all three of us (brother on shoulders, me and my sister in either hand) and my mother when she could dance for hours more gracefully and energetically than our entire class. I don't know what my sister's earliest memories of my parents are, and my brother sadly always saw them somewhat older and much tired. This photo is how I will remember my parents always. Having a ball, whatever their circumstances and always able to laugh and never EVER losing their sense of humour and dignity.

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Sunday, January 02, 2011

Famous Sights I Have Missed Seeing

I consider myself fairly well-travelled, yet I have missed out seeing the most iconic sights in some of the famous cities I have visited. As all of you, my adoring readers have been deprived of my ramblings and listings for ages, I present before you a list of the iconic sights of the cities I have visited. I keep telling myself thats my reason to return.
  1. Paris - Eiffel Tower. Yes. I have been to Paris 5 times, yet I have never been to see the Eiffel tower. I have passed it multiple number of times, but have never been on it. I have explored St. Germain, Les Marais and Montmartre village sufficiently to never get lost. I have seen the Pompidou centre, the Louvre, Musee Orsay, Love the Sainte Chapelle, have marched up and down the Champs-Élysées, etc. etc., yet I have never been up the Eiffel Tower.
  2. New York City - The Statue of Liberty. I have gone to New York every year for the last 7 years, and yet, have never seen the statue of liberty.
  3. Singapore - Bukit Timah Nature reserve. I have lost count of how many times I have been to Singapore, yet this the one place I have wanted to go since my first trip, yet have not managed to get there.
  4. San Francisco - Haight Ashbury, Castro Street. When I visited San francisco, these were the two places I realy, really wanted to go, yet somehow couldnt make the time.
  5. Boston - Museum of Fine Arts -I love Boston. I love the fact that one can actually walk around and have also seen a fair amount thanks to generous clients and friends. Yet, everytime I visit, I miss the MFA purely due to idiotic work schedules.
  6. Brussels - Palais de Justice - Not seen. Also, word of advice. The Mannekin Pis is SO NOT WORTH IT. It is fucking 6 inches tall. Complete disappointment.
  7. Berlin - Jewish Museum -I rank Berlin as one of the must-sees city in the world. I find it interesting and very different from other parts of Germany. Also, the Jewish Museum ranked way high on my list of things to see in Berlin, but never got around to it.
  8. Shanghai - Oriental Pearl TV Tower. I feel ashamed of admitting this, but I never got around to seeing this, because I was too busy stuffing my face with soup dumplings.
  9. Bangkok - Wat Arun - Again, I get so busy eating, going to galleries and shopping in Bangkok, I never move my ass to go see Wat arun.
  10. Chicago - Frank Lloyd Wright Home - I think I've been on every tall building in Chicago, again thanks to people I work for. Also, have eaten at the finest restaurants in the USA in Chicago and am yearning for more, yet, the Frank Lloyd Wright home was top of my list, but never gets done, again mostly because of the magnificient mile and stuffing my face.

This list could continue ad infinitum, but I need to sleep.

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