This Year My Word is Yes (Probably)

If I still have any regular readers, you may have thought I have stopped posting. The past year was a difficult, bittersweet, stressful year and most of every week, I would open a new post and pour my heart out, but not publish anything, because I could not bring myself to be positive and I did not want this blog to be a depression diary.

The reason, as some of you may know was a battle that stretched longer than it should have, and drained me emotionally, physically, mentally and also financially. Thing is, I finally won. So, there is something to be said in favour of being positive and not losing hope. Though, I lost hope many times and was ready to quit and run away more than 4 times. Thanks to a very supportive and loving family, SO and support staff, I was able to make it through. Thank you for making me feel like a superstar when I was actually feeling soiled, torn and conflicted. Sometimes, even though I fought with each and everyone of you, your voice at the other end of the telephone strengthened me. My people, most of who do not even know about the existence of this blog, Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Now that my oscar acceptance speech is over, we can get on, yes? Most of you also know how stubborn I can be and how resistant I can be to change, especially when the decision is not mine. The last year has taught me to be open, have faith, push myself and accept whatever comes my way with an open attitude. So, this year, rather than being set in my ways, I will change. I will say yes to new experiences, change of places, change of people, change of anything purely to experience change. I will not hold back, I will try and not hesitate.

This "Yes" business occurred to me during my last holiday in which I did lots of stuff I had always wanted to, but never got around to, due to shyness, inhibitions, lack of company and various other silly reasons. So, I finally crossed off few more things on my "Things to do before I die" List and I ziplined, did pottery classes, did cooking and baking classes, gambled and made newer friends. I had a lot of fun.

If any of you want a story about my crazy family, a list or two, a rant about Indian men, recipes, do let me know. I will be happy to oblige. You see, this is my year of saying, "Yes"!

I Think This Time We Shall Escape

Was that the thunder that I heard?
My head is vibrating,
I feel a sharp pain
Come sit by me, don’t say a word
Oh, can it be that I am slain?
Quick, Magdalena, take my gun
Look up in the hills, that flash of light
Aim well my little one
We may not make it through the night

This beyond everything is what I fear and cannot control. Everything else, is well under control. I feel this strongly with every passing day. Time truly does not wait. You know, my gut feelings are always right, and no, I am not being over dramatic again.

Do Not Be Angry When You Go To Sleep

If you want a lover
Ill do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
Ill wear a mask for you
If you want a partner
Take my hand
Or if you want to strike me down in anger
Here I stand
Im your man

If you want a boxer
I will step into the ring for you
And if you want a doctor
Ill examine every inch of you
If you want a driver
Climb inside
Or if you want to take me for a ride
You know you can
Im your man

Ah, the moons too bright
The chains too tight
The beast wont go to sleep
Ive been running through these promises to you
That I made and I could not keep
Ah but a man never got a woman back
Not by begging on his knees
Or Id crawl to you baby
And Id fall at your feet
And Id howl at your beauty
Like a dog in heat
And Id claw at your heart
And Id tear at your sheet
Id say please, please
Im your man

And if youve got to sleep
A moment on the road
I will steer for you
And if you want to work the street alone
Ill disappear for you
If you want a father for your child
Or only want to walk with me a while
Across the sand
Im your man
If you want a lover
Ill do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
Ill wear a mask for you

Our Conversation Was Short and Sweet

How is one supposed to react when someone totally out of the blue, shows you pictures of their grandchild? I mean someone at work? I don't know how to react. I normally say, "Oh! What a darling! What's his/ her name?" After that, I am at a loss of words and I don't know what to say next.

People also confide shocking, embarassing details to me like, "You will be happy to know that my son was conceived in India." I mean, why would I want to know that? Given the fact that something must be lost in translation, due to the confidantee not being a native English speaker... However, HOW is one supposed to react to that?