Good News - Bad News

The Good News:

1. The digicam got fixed so more pics coming along.
2. My best friend's going to be a Momma again.
3. I saw the Eric Clapton concert.
4. My kitchen is finally done completely. Pictures coming along.
5. Only the LCD of the blackberry is broken.
6. Work is going well.

The Bad News:

1. I'm feeling really lazy.
2. The bigger fridge has conked out.
3. I sat (with a jerk and purely by mistake) on my blackberry and only the LCD screen got broken (they make these babies well, nothing else seems to have broken!), so I can't do anything but receive calls on it and ALL my contact numbers are in effect lost until the blackberry is repaired/ backed up. Cue in point 1.
4. I'm tending towards brokeness thanks to the kitchen and my new printer/ fax machine, dish TV, lawyer fees (for the property due diligence, lest any of you think otherwise), new blackberry - all of which were sparked of on the strength of my bonus, which sadly, is depleted now. But, my kitchen looks FAB!
5. I fucked up my mood by fighting with my other best friend.
6. I have nowhere to wear my expensive, beautiful Ritu coat to. Yes, Suzy, you may laugh your head off.
7. Work is going well, hence once again, I have no time to read the LOVELY pile of books I have accumulated or to do anything than work.

100 Grumpy Things

I am mostly grumpy. I am mostly anal. In a wedding of the two, I shall post 100 things about my anal grumpy self.

1. I am almost always grumpy.
2. I am almost always anal.
3. I say "fuck" in my brain every 30 seconds.
4. I don't like most people.
5. I think following trends clotheswise is stupid.
6. I don't like to be criticised.
7. I don't like most men.
8. I don't like feminine men.
9. I don't like men who obssess about their bodies too much.
10. I don't like men who know more about make-up than I do.
11. That said, my favourite hair dresser is a man and he gives the best hair-cut in town and makes me look like a million bucks but he annoys me by calling me "sweetie".
12. I don't like men calling women "sweetie".
13. I don't like over-sporty men.
14. I don't like men who stink.
15. I don't like men who over-do the cologne.
16. I don't like men with stinky breaths.
17. I don't like men who try to inspire me to exercise.
18. I don't like men staring at my boobs.
19. I don't like sexist men.
20. I don't like politically correct men. Yes, That's "POLITICALLY CORRECT".
21. I don't like men who wear purple.
22. I don't like men who wear rhinestones.
23. I don't like men who can't cook.
24. I don't like men who are players.
25. I don't like men who don't have hair.
26. I don't like most Asian men and that includes Indian men.
27. I don't like men who don't appreciate the arts.
28. I don't like men who don't read.
29. I don't like men with excessive facial hair.
30. I don't like men who get gushy.
31. I don't like men who can't make good conversation.
32. I don't like men who can't honour commitments.
33. I don't like men who can't hold their drink.
34. I don't like bullies.
35. I don't like women who can't cook.
36. I don't like people who have hobbies to appear hip.
37. I don't like people who pretend to appreciate the arts.
38. I don't like women with no careers.
39. I don't like dirty public washrooms.
40. I don't like women who are over-curious.
41. I don't like gossip-mongers.
42. I don't like sanitary napkins.
43. I don't like Mamata Banerjee.
44. I don't like her disrupting my life. Isn't my life enough disrupted already?
45. I don't like margarine.
46. I don't like bread warmed in the microwave.
47. I don't like thick soups.
48. I don't like chapped skin.
49. I don't like bras that don't fit well.
50. I don't like my home state. I hate it, actually.
51. I don't like alumni associations, even though I'm a part of mine and I sort of miss my loony classmates.
52. I don't like people ask me why I'm single, aren't the above reasons enough already?
53. I don't like to be late and I can't stand people who make me wait.
54. I don't like most doctors, I don't believe most of them.
55. I don't like fitness instructors, I think most of them are unfit.
56. I don't like exes. Mine stink.
57. I don't like older women pointing out that I'm top heavy. I hate that term actually.
58. I don't like wearing yellow, though I love yellow flowers, they make me happy.
59. I don't like red roses. I've never, ever had red roses sent to me.
60. I absolutely dread surprises.
61. I hate my schedule going awry.
62. I hate disorganization, to me life should be a straight line.
63. I hate people who can't appreciate a sunset.
64. I hate my periods. I hate what hormones do to my brain. They make me near suicidal and I hate being so depressed.
65. I hate doing my taxes.
66. I hate paperwork and my home paperwork puts my teeth on an edge because it HAS to be perfect.
67. I don't like the summers. Which is a pity because the better part of my life is being spent where it will mostly be hot.
68. I don't like not having my way. Always. Because, I am always right.
69. I hate chocolate brown lipstick.
70. I hate the widening disparity between the rich and the poor in India and all over the world.
71. I don't like unnecessary meanness.
72. I don't like organised religion. It scares the shit out of me.
73. I don't like Godmen. Mostly because I envy the industry they have created. It used to be my ambition to be a Godwoman one day.
74. I intensely hate child molestors who blame their crappy childhood for turning out to be screwed up. I know plenty of people with truly crappy childhoods who have turned out to be wonderful people and I can't see the justification in that statement.
75. I don't like it when I call up my mother and her phone is engaged. Or my sister's. I have proprietary rights to both of them.
76. I hate sleeping alone at night and having no one to snuggle up to. That is the reason I post torturous posts so late in the night.
77. I don't like women or men who don't enjoy sex. I know plenty and so does everyone I know.
78. I don't like most people in the Calcutta clubs. I find them horribly annoying and tedious and superficial.
79. I don't like having no leisure time.
80. I don't like oily, greasy food.
81. I don't like people who don't enjoy food.
82. I don't like people who are fussy eaters.
83. I don't like the smell of fat rendering.
84. I don't like to drink spirits. I am a wine drinker.
85. I don't like my hair.
86. I don't like most Indian weddings. I find them crass and vulgar.
87. I don't like women who think they should be total bitches professionally to get to the top. Doesn't work and just makes people hate you that much more.
88. I don't like to be pushed while shopping.
89. I don't like being approached by shop people unnecessarily.
90. I don't like cats.
91. I don't like lack of ambition.
92. I don't like global warming.
93. I don't like ball point pens. I only write with ink pens.
94. I I don't like being dehydrated.
95. I hate spam.
96. I don't like tinned foods.
97. I don't like Indian soap operas.
98. I don't like Indian news channels.
99. I don't like fighting with my family, but they get on my nerves a lot.
100. I don't like people who pretend to be cool on their blogs but actually are really boring in their real life.

Blogging Annoyances

1. When Blogger makes me switch over to the superior versions - Not a problem per se, but it wasted my time, when I could have written a post instead.
2. Girls/ Women/ Chicks/ Females/ Persons with Vaginas - {} insert politically appropriate term; referring to their boyfriends/ husbands/ SOs as "The Boy". It just annoys me. I think because I really prefer older men, and I dislike boys, but I really can't describe 40 year olds as "The Boy". There is just something wrong in that. Does anyone hear "mid-life crisis"?
3. Indian PhD students blogging. Dudes (and politically correct female equivalents) you guys know everything. You are the Supreme Ones and your blogs are exteremely tedious to read. I fully admit my superficiality, but to me supreme torture consists of being forced to read a politically correct, righteous Indian PhD student(mostly in the USA)'s blog.
4. Kolkata University or even worse, Jadavpur University Chicks blogging. Every female kid doing English hons or masters in English has a blog. Where, oh where are the guys? Why are the guys who study English not blogging? Why?
5. People posting really sorry pics of the food they cook on their food blogs. I know not everyone can take a great food pic. Even mine are not so great, but putting a distinctively unappetising picture, in my opinion is just a fucking annoyance.
6. Blogger not opening older comments. V. annoying.
7. The entire "comment or else your linking perishes" phenomena. I'm not going to comment for linking, but it would be nice if anyone, just anyone links to me, just on the strength of er... my humour, my general sexiness, my rocking posts (heh) or my general "good" cheer. Go on, I know you all are tempted...
8. The Bloggies or whatever the idiotic Blog awards are called. Argggh. It almost makes me want to stop reading blogs around this time.
9. My idiot digital camera dying on me.
10. Not having enough time to blog.

Just What Is Wrong With You All?

Yesterday, I received a back-handed compliment which ended with, "But for everything else, you are not street-smart at all."

I know that. I've known it for quite a while now. I attribute it to the fact that my childhood and college was incredibly sheltered and that my parents were/ are naive to the point of annoyance (wholly mine). We were not taught that the world was bad or that people were complicated, because in my parents' world, people were honest, straight and that good things happened to you if you worked hard and not, if you didn't.

I discovered this was not the case because I've always worked my butt off and good things did not always happen to me. In general, people were not honest and/ or good and that my world, or the one that I chose to be in (not academics, though God knows how complicated that is too) is complex, complicated and not for the faint-hearted.

Still, opening a newspaper revolts me now. The media makes me throw-up and some of my friends expect me to condone idiotic standards and meanness. Just what is wrong with everyone? This post is because I was talking with a friend who was telling me of a professor from Cambridge (studied in Cambridge, and now teaching at Kolkata) who refused to give recommendations because in his words, "he had not opened a travel agency." I'm shocked. How can anyone, leave alone a professor be so mean? It's one thing to give a bad recommendation to a bad student and one thing to give idiotic statements of this sort. Aren't professors supposed to encourage and mentor their students?

What do you think?

Getting There

The Kidwai asked me if I was making lots of money.

I said, "Getting there".

Afternoons and Coffeespoons

WHEN will I have my afternoons reading T. S. Eliot? Just fucking WHEN?

Home Delivery - Bhojohari Manna

Bhojohari Manna remains my favourite Bengali food fix when my cook doesn't want to cook, I crave Bengali food and it is too late to go to or I am too tired to pop in at Kewpie's or have lost the heart to go to 6 Ballygunge Place that is just a hop, skip and jump away. This also remains one place where I don't have to tell them my address and they tell me which fish is the freshest.

I am planning a series of posts on bengali dishes and this remains my favourite vegetarian one - Shukto. This is a vegetable stew (with bitter gourd, drum sticks, brinjals, white gourd, boris etc.) that is best savoured cold, with hot steaming rice. Bhojohari manna does Shukto well, and in the absence of my cook's enthusiasm provides me the best shukto fix ever.

I ordered Tel Koi because the guy told me it was fresh. The fish was wonderfully fresh, but rather bony and I didn't like the excessive oil. So, I shall stick to Hilsa, Shukto, Bhetki paturi etc. from now on.

This is also a constant during the Hilsa season - bhape ilish (steamed hilsa). To be honest, this is nowhere as flavorful as Kewpie's or best of all, Aheli's Hilsa, but as I said, in absence of everything provides me a fix.

This entire meal cost me INR 300+. Reached me in an hour, just in time, as I finished bathing, cooked rice in my rice cooker and lay the table.

Berlin and Bob Dylan

It is my habit to frequent jazz bars in every city I visit, to check out the scene. This led me to Jazz in the park in Singapore where the bliss of merlot lying on the grass and listening to ponnudorai and jesting with the guy with a hukkah and the flirty american guy who insisted on carrying my bottle, just because ladies shouldn't carry wine bottles or plastic glasses to drink it in, has so far been nonpareil and led to some surprisingly good jazz in Hanoi apart from where it all started... in Atlanta.

Occasionally, an idiot concierge (though this happens v vvvv rarely, and only when I haven't had time to search on the interweb) directs you to a neighbourhood pub where you have local talent singing German pop. You wince and then suddenly a German folksy-rock (yes, they exist) singer starts singing Dylan in German and despite it being surreal you feel its a message that all is not wrong with the world and your uncontrollable rage at idiot concierge subsides gradually, and you *still* don't know what the guy was singing, but its ok, because it was Dylan.

Salad

After the excesses of the season, I don't feel like cooking. This salad is easy to assemble - chopped carrots, cherry tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers, boiled eggs, a dressing of olive oil, sea salt and balsamic vinegar, topped with parmesan - lots of it and is my dinner when I am not eating out.

Practice Makes This Woman Perfect

Since all of us do not have delightful "accidents" like our dear Miss. Varsha, making red curry obssessively ensured that the red curry I made was unanimously judged to be better than Baan Thai's, as was the pad thai and papaya salad.

Next time Miss. Varsha tries to steal my thunder, I swear, I shall beat her black and blue.